


Eighteen

by iamleegracey



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Coming of Age, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-15
Updated: 2018-05-15
Packaged: 2019-05-07 10:51:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14669589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamleegracey/pseuds/iamleegracey
Summary: How can something as mundane as a number be such a scary, funny, intimidating, melancholic and a thousand and one more thing all at the same time?





	Eighteen

**Author's Note:**

> Unbeta-ed. I own nothing but the plot. All under-aged members are aged up on this fic.

Eighteen.

How can something as mundane as a number be such a scary thing?

In most countries, being eighteen makes one an adult. Being eighteen makes you feel like being in a crossroad; saying farewell to your colorful childhood while preparing to enter the dull world of adults. It’s when you’re too anxious to reach adulthood yet there’s still that tiny pull from your juvenile years. It’s the time you reach the last stage of high school – thinking you’re free and then you come to realize that there’s still college. That it’s not the end, but only the beginning of something. That you’ll need to move away and try to start living on your own, miles away from your family.

You’re eager to try things you’re not allowed just yet, and eager to shake off childish habits at the same time. You’re given responsibilities on top of discovering what’s left inside yourself. You claim to be ready for love, experience your firsts and then blame curiosity after.

It’s overwhelming to some. Exciting to few. And scary for most people.

And Renjun feels like he’s included in the ‘most people’ category.

In barely an hour, he’ll turn eighteen and he still doesn’t know what to do with his life.

And to make matters worse, he’s not even entering adulthood in his own country. Albeit, he’s with his family, but still, Seoul was not Jilin.

In the stillness of the night, with only the moon to light his messy room, Renjun’s thoughts were loudly ringing in his ears.

Is he even ready to be an adult? Face responsibilities, look after himself, make choices on his own?

Fall in love and get hurt?

_But haven’t you tried that already? Falling in love and getting hurt?_

The teen groaned and rolled over his bed, eyes sore from staring at the dark ceiling. If this is how it feels like to be an adult, then Renjun wants to be a child forever. No responsibilities, no worries, no stress.

_No heartbreak. Or is it?_

He didn’t know how long he stayed in that position, face down on his pillows and body motionless. And just when he thought he’d fallen asleep, a sound echoed from the corner of the room.

Renjun contemplated on whether to ignore the sound or not, and the former sounds so tempting. But the sound was insistent, as if someone was knocking on his window–

The teen quickly bolted up and somehow, he expected the sight in front of him. And yet, he could still feel his heartbeat skip like it was the first time he’s seeing his best friend and next-door neighbor perched on the tree branch in front of his room, with his stupid grin and stupid eye smile.

His limbs felt like jelly as he forced himself up and walk towards his night intruder, and it turn even more unstable when he opened his window, coming face to face with his best friend, Jeno.

And maybe even more?

“I thought you died there.” Jeno chuckled as he climbed up Renjun’s room and the latter tried to calm his raging heart. After all, he should be used to this – Jeno sneaking inside his room in the wee hours of night with an outrageous idea that always almost lands them in trouble.

But despite this, Renjun would always follow Jeno and get himself falling deeper in an abyss that revolves around Jeno Lee.

“Please don’t tell me you have a ludicrous idea again. I’m still grounded after that stunt last weekend.”

Jeno’s chuckle was a comfort through the storm that Renjun currently has inside him. And it was also the reason why the storm was there, by the way.

“But you have to admit, throwing rolls of paper towels on Mr. Oh’s house was fun.”

_Yeah it was, only because you were there with me._

Renjun found himself kicking Jeno’s shin as the latter made himself comfortable on the bed. He blushed and averted his eyes when a patch of fair skin made an appearance from Jeno’s ridden up shirt.

“Hey, don’t you have your own bed to sleep in?”

Renjun’s voice echoed through the silent room. He dared to look up and saw Jeno’s eyes closed, face serene and he can’t help but fall over again. And it’s unfair, how someone perfect like Jeno was in front of him yet he couldn’t have him. A sigh escaped Renjun before he flopped on the nearest vacant space on his bed, head falling onto Jeno’s torso. He was rewarded with a painful groan and Renjun could only giggle at the sound – and maybe even swoon a bit.

They stayed like that, cocooned in their own world with only the stars as a witness, and Renjun could only wish that it would last forever. Would it be a shame if that was his birthday wish?

How funny was it that mere hours ago Renjun wanted his age to stop at seventeen? And now here he was, even making a wish that this moment he was in would last for as long as he wanted.

Who wouldn’t want to, when you’re lying on bed with someone like Jeno Lee?

“Hey.”

A hum escaped Renjun despite the thoughts that were running through his mind rapidly.

“Yeah?”

“It’s already midnight.”

“So?”

“Happy birthday, my naïve moron.”

_Be still, my beating heart._

“I’m not a naïve moron. And I’m definitely not yours.”

_Though I badly wish I was._

“A simple thank you would suffice, you know. I even sneaked here just to greet you personally despite being grounded too.” Jeno’s chuckle reverberated through Renjun and then he thought that maybe it wasn’t that bad being eighteen, not when the first person to greet you was someone you consider your best friend. Not when you spend it with someone who’s been there since you can remember. And definitely not when said someone is Jeno Lee, who always makes Renjun’s heart flutter and his insides warm and limbs weak.

If only his birthday wish would come true, then definitely it wouldn’t be that bad to be eighteen.

* * *

_The weather’s nice today, a perfect reason for you to smile._ _:)_

It was the eighteenth note that Jeno had slipped on Jaemin’s locker. As soon as the small paper fell inside the small compartment, Jeno tried to walk casually towards the other end of the hall, where his own locker was located. Not even a minute later, he could hear Jaemin’s obnoxious friends approaching the lockers.

He couldn’t really remember how it started. Just that one Monday morning, he had the sudden idea of putting sticky notes on Jaemin’s locker with short thoughts. Ever since that day, it had become his Monday morning ritual to slip a note on his crush’s locker and so far, he’s been blessed with a happy Jaemin for the rest of the week. And now, it’s the eighteenth week since he had started the routine, and luckily, he hasn’t been caught.

Yet.

It took all his will power to not turn to their direction, especially when he heard Jaemin’s voice reading the contents of the note that he slipped barely minutes ago. Despite his restraint, he couldn’t help but let out a grin as he tried to look like he was just taking his things out of his locker.

Jeno’s smile only widened as he heard cheers and hoots from where Jaemin’s locker was. A brief glance and he saw Jaemin smiling shyly as he carefully pinned it on the small corkboard inside his locker – along with the seventeen other notes that Jeno had managed to slip to him secretly.

He never knew why, but the feeling of being anonymous was much more pleasant for him. Knowing that he was the reason behind Jaemin’s smile was enough, and it didn’t matter that he was someone faceless to Jaemin.

Maybe he really is a hopeless romantic, just like how his best friend claimed.

But then again, when you’re eighteen, aren’t you bound to be a hopeless romantic? He knew some of their classmates who were far worse than him, professing undying love on hallways and giving bouquets of flowers along with serenades. Ah, the wonders of the impulsive courage that being eighteen brings.

But it’s not like Jeno could do those, anyway.

“You look like a creep.”

Speak of the devil.

The smile on Jeno’s lips never wavered, not even when Renjun arrived with a disgusted scowl on his face.

“I’m not. I’m just merely smiling because the weather’s nice.”

“Mhmm, of course. It’s not because of Na Jaemin who’s a few blocks away from us.”

“Nope. Not at all.” Jeno chuckled and playfully jabbed Renjun by his side, ignoring the hiss from the latter. “What’s gotten your knickers in a twist this early morning? Sometimes I wish someone’s slipping secret notes on your locker too, maybe then you won’t be too irritable first thing in the morning.”

There was an unintelligible grumble from Renjun that Jeno didn’t bother to decipher, not when Jaemin and his friends were passing by them. For a split of a moment, their eyes met and thankfully Jeno isn’t the type to blush madly and do something embarrassing in front of his crush. Instead, he shot a grin at Jaemin and greeted him normally.

“Hi Jaemin.”

“Hello, Jeno.” The small wave and bright smile was enough to make Jeno’s day complete.

“My god, can you even be more obvious?” Renjun muttered as Jeno glanced over Jaemin once more, chuckling when he saw how his friends were looking at him and giggling and whispering. And then there’s Jaemin who’s trying to hush his friends while rolling his eyes at them.

“I wasn’t being obvious.” Jeno muttered and faced his friend with wonder. “It’s too early to be Mr. Grumpy, Jun. Why don’t you loosen up a bit and flash that dorky smile of yours, yeah?”

Renjun rolled his eyes at Jeno, before he started walking towards their classroom with Jeno following suite. “So, what did Mr. Shakespeare wrote in his 100th note this time?”

“It was just the eighteenth, Renjun. And it’s just something peculiar.”

“Knowing you and your hopelessly romantic self, you probably wrote how the weather’s nice and it’s a mere reason to smile.”

“You know me all too well, Renjun.” Jeno laughed softly, wrapping his arm around Renjun’s shoulder playfully. “Sometimes I feel like you know me more than I know myself.”

“Unfortunately so. And how many notes are you planning to slip before you finally ask him out?” The two of them walked inside the chaotic classroom just as the first bell rang through the hallways. Somehow, Jeno feels like something good is going to happen that day. If anything, he thinks that the weather was a clear sign to his intuition.

“Who knows? Maybe that’s the last one.”

* * *

It was on the eighteenth kiss that Jaemin knew he was in love. It’s not like he’s counting the kisses though. He just…knew.

The eighteenth kiss was nothing special, it was just a mundane and chaste good night peck on the lips before they parted ways. It didn’t even last a few seconds. But he felt something…different.

There were tons of other kisses that they had shared, some not even close to chaste, but it was the certain kiss by the gates of Jaemin’s house under the poor lighting of the outdoor lamps that certainly swept him off his feet and made his heart skip a beat.

And when they pulled apart, there was only one thought that ran through Jaemin’s still muddled and hazy mind.

_Shit, I’m in love with him._

Surprisingly, he was calm about it. Finding out that you’re in love with someone isn’t the same as how it was according to the manhwas and web toons that Jaemin had read before. It came naturally – the realization that someone managed to steal his heart and he was more than fine with it.

He wondered if it was normal, not breaking down in hysterics when he realized that he was in love with the person that he’s dating for almost three weeks. Was it even normal to fall in love in a span of three weeks? More than that, was he really feeling love when he’s barely eighteen?  

But then again, Na Jaemin is anything but normal. It’s still a wonder how he managed to catch this perfect boy in front of him – Jeno, in all his adorable eye smiles and handsome features glory. Just his mere presence was enough to draw out a smile even if Jaemin was a little under the weather. Maybe love really does that, appreciating small things rather than extravagant ones.

“You okay, Jaemin?”

“I think I’m in love with you.”

Oh fuck.

There was a dumbfounded look on Jeno’s face and for a second Jaemin thought the night would end badly. And this is all because of Jaemin’s no filter mouth. Now Jeno will think that he’s a weirdo for even saying that. Then he’ll dump him. And then he will be the laughing stock of the school until graduation. Scratch that, maybe until homecoming ten years from now.

Silence stretched for a few more seconds and Jaemin was contemplating on just turning around and dashing inside his house, that was until Jeno smiled brightly.

“I think I’m in love with you too.”

Did he hear Jeno right? Maybe this is the part where he’s imagining things because Jeno’s halfway through rejecting him–

And then there were plush lips against his and Jaemin thinks that this is better than any kisses he had imagined before. This was real. But it ended all too soon. Jaemin stood frozen by the patio as Jeno backed off with the brightest grin Jaemin has ever seen plastered on his face.

“Sleep well, Jaemin. Because I know I will sleep well tonight.”

And then Jeno was sprinting down the dimly lit street, leaving Jaemin with a goofy smile on his lips. He could barely move his limbs as he walked up the doors as he planned to call his best friend Donghyuck and spill everything because he can’t contain all the feelings and emotions he has inside him. With one last glance at the dark street ahead, Jaemin found himself muttering with a sappy smile.

“Yeah. Sleep well too, Jeno.”

The door behind Jaemin then creaked open and his older brother’s chuckle was enough to dampen his mood just a little. Jaemin’s smile was replaced with a frown as he passed by his brother who was wearing a teasing smirk.

“Shut up, Yuta-hyung.”

“I’m not even saying anything, Jaemin. So, who’s the new guy? Probably needs glasses or something, since he was necking you by our porch.” Yuta chuckled and Jaemin grumbled, resisting the urge to flip the bird on his older brother.

“It’s none of your business, hyung.” Another teasing chuckle and Jaemin instead opted to march up his room well until their mother hollers for dinner. And just before he closed his door, he heard Yuta snicker from the foot of the stairs.

“Oh, are you gonna sleep well now?”

He’s so gonna get his brother one day, Jaemin swore.

* * *

Sometime during the second week of August marked the end of Yuta’s summer vacation. He could remember how his lazy afternoons were spent just like it was yesterday and all too sudden he’s on the bus heading towards his new university lodging. The sun wasn’t even halfway through the sky and yet Yuta’s mood was quickly spiraling down.

Due to unforeseen circumstances, the campus dormitories were already full by the time Yuta decided to enroll and now he was forced to look for another place to stay for the next months. Luckily, the RA from his old dormitory recommended a university lodging – a dorm of sorts but was modeled as a house instead. It was way cheaper compared to the dorms which was good and Yuta could use the extra money. The downside to it was that it would take Yuta around thirty minutes to go to the campus. That and he has to share the house to several students instead of the usual just one (annoying) roommate.

Oh, this is going to be a riot.

When the bus halted, Yuta forced himself to stand and jump down the street where the university lodgings were located. A sigh went out of him and stared at the piece of paper nearly crumpled in his fist.

 _House 018, Corner 57_ _th_ _and 35_ _th_ _, University Road._

“Might as well start looking for the damned house.” Yuta muttered to himself as he slung one of his unreasonably heavy and oversized duffel bags on his shoulder, the other one gripped tightly on his free hand.

A row of modern houses lined up both sides of the road and Yuta can’t help but think that maybe this is going to be alright. The place seemed like the usual upscale neighborhoods with white picket fences and front yards with water sprinklers.

“Fifteenth, sixteenth, seventeenth. Where the hell is house number eighteen?”

Or maybe not.

At the end of the seemingly utopian road lies a house different from all. Yes, it may make up with its proportion (it obviously loomed over the modern two-story houses beside it with its three-floor glory, it’s even twice the size of every house around), but the façade of the house was the exact one that horror movies use. The paint was of gloomy gray, the grass on the front yard untamed and somehow the light doesn’t seem to enter on its premises. Yuta would bet that the moment he knocks on the door, some despicable creature would spook the life out of him before the term starts.

Or maybe Yuta’s just exaggerating.

He found himself glaring at the house beside him, almost cursing the shiny and embossed seventeen stuck elegantly on the fence. Yuta’s sure this term’s not going to be good, he thought as he trudged towards the dreadful house where, lo and behold, a number 18 was nailed haphazardly on the rusting metal fence. He swore he would never ever wait for the last minute to enroll.

Yuta managed to walk across the grassy yard without any (scary) incident and stood by the dim porch. How is this house so dark when it’s early in the morning he doesn’t have any idea, and neither does he want to know.

There was a distinct muffled sound of a pop rock song coming from the inside and Yuta felt a bit relieved. At least he wasn’t going to be alone inside the creepy lodging. Before he could even bring himself to knock, the door suddenly swung open and Yuta almost groaned out loud.

Indeed, there was a despicable creature in front of Yuta in the form of a half-naked Johnny Seo. Johnny was just as shocked as Yuta is, but he was able to recover faster since he’s already leaning against the doorframe with his shocked expression quickly morphing into his annoying smirk. The loud rock music blared from inside the (potentially promising) house and Yuta barely heard the drawl from Johnny.

Yuta’s term is definitely down the drain.

“Got lost, princess?”

_Oh god, kill me now._

Why did it have to be Johnny Seo – the same Johnny Seo that’s supposedly the _best friend of Yuta’s ex_ – of all people?

“Fuck off Seo.” Yuta grumbled and (barely) pushed his way inside the house, which was actually the opposite of its exterior. It was bright and homey albeit messy. Of course, college boys live here, the mess was a part of the daily routine. The door was shut and only then did Yuta realized that he was trapped with Johnny inside the lodging.

“If you’re looking for Hansol, I swear he already took the last of his belongings a week after the finals last term. That was like…two months ago.” Oh, so this is where Hansol’s lodging is. Yuta felt a major headache forming inside his head, and he didn’t know if it’s because of the loud music or because of Johnny mentioning his damned ex.

Yuta would like to think it’s because of the former.

“Tell me where my room assignment is.” With a sigh, Yuta took the crumpled paper from his pocket and showed it to Johnny. The latter then snatched it and the mirth and amusement was ever present in Johnny’s always smirking face.

“How ironic is it that you of all people took Hansol’s slot in this lodging?” Johnny chuckled and Yuta didn’t find it funny in the least. Then Johnny motioned for him to follow, walking towards the staircase and Yuta forced himself to follow. He also forced his eyes not to look anywhere below Johnny’s neck.

“So, we don’t really have an RA around, though it’s mostly Taeyong who does those RA things. You do know him right? The dance major who looks like someone straight from a manhwa? He won’t be here until the day after tomorrow though.” They arrived at the second floor which was just as bright as the first floor. There’s a sort of living room that Yuta supposed is used as a gaming area, if the tangled wires on the ground were to go by. Straight ahead was a hallway with two doors next to each other. At the other end of the floor were two more doors.

This definitely isn’t as bad as it looks.

“This is the second floor. It’s usually rowdy here since we basically do almost everything here – watch movies, play games, or just lounge around. Downstairs is where the kitchen and dining room is, also the common showers. There are four rooms here and the last two are upstairs, as well as a rooftop kind of veranda.”

Yuta followed Johnny towards the other end of the floor, where the other two doors were. The taller guy walked towards the last room and beckoned Yuta inside. The room was simple, with three half bunk beds and a personal study table underneath. He thinks he could live through it.

“This is your room, I guess, until Taeyong arrives. We don’t usually have more than ten people in the lodging, but I’ve heard we’re adding more occupants since the dorms are already full, probably a little over fifteen. Any questions?”

“Any idea on who my roommates are?”

“No idea. The occupants of this room actually either graduated or left.” Johnny shrugged and leaned against the doorframe. It wasn’t that hard to know who occupied the room. The smirk on Johnny’s face was a dead giveaway. “So most likely, your roommates will also be new comers.”

Yuta found himself grumbling as he tossed his bag on the farthest spot of the room before he flopped on the bed face down. He wished Johnny would take the hint and leave, and thankfully he did. If only he shut his mouth.

“I’ll just be on the other room if you need something. And oh, before I forget, nice choice on choosing Hansol’s bed.”

* * *

“Nice game, Seo.”

“We’re sure to snag that trophy come the nationals.”

“Definitely. As long as we have Johnny here.”

The cheers were loud, the lights bright and the locker room buzzing with excitement after their second winning streak. But the loudness of the surroundings was nothing but a hum coursing through Johnny at that time. He couldn’t even bring himself to feel and hear the water splashing against his skin as he attempted to wash off the sweat and grime and fatigue in his system.

But the water wasn’t enough.

He still felt fatigued, filthy and numb.

He didn’t know how long he stayed under the splay of water, how he managed to dress up and bid goodbye to his team mates until he was the last one on the locker room. The silence was even unbearable now, because the thoughts in his mind were louder than ever. Johnny leaned back, letting his head rest on the cool material of the lockers behind him. His eyes then landed on the crumpled jersey by his foot.

Jersey number 18, it showed, along with his surname emblazoned with bright and bold letters.

Basketball used to be the only thing that mattered to Johnny. It was his safe zone, his haven, the one thing he finally found he was good at. The sport even brought him to his dream university, and if things were to continue, he might land a spot on the professional league in a few years. Everything was going well because of basketball – except the turmoil inside Johnny.

He used to love the sport, it was his life. But lately, all he’s hearing are things that pressured him to do well. Everything had to be perfect and he wasn’t allowed to make mistakes let alone get tired. And yet, that’s all he’s feeling – tired and frustrated and pressured that he wasn’t doing enough.

It’s like playing basketball to live instead of the other way around.

Johnny can’t turn to his parents, not when his father agreed on letting him enroll on a university that’s almost a day’s worth of drive from their house. And just when he thought that he had someone to turn to in the form of his best friend, the guy suddenly bailed out on him. Well, it wasn’t his fault anyway. After all, Hansol’s passion has always been dancing, and who’s Johnny to hinder him when he got accepted in a prestigious dance workshop?

And his goofy and easy-going image doesn’t help his predicament. The star player of the basketball team was a person that seemed to laugh off any problems that come his way. He doesn’t cry over spilt milk, and instead buys another bottle. He has tons of friends to turn to, and can make new ones as easily as breathing.

Except, this time, everyone thought wrong of the gentle giant that was Johnny Seo. There’s no spare bottle of milk to buy, no reliable friends to turn to. He was trapped in the image that he created himself and there’s no way to get out of it.

Even the best fall sometimes, the song says, and who’s better to prove it than Johnny himself?

An exasperated sigh escaped him as he picked up the jersey by his feet. He stood up, intent on walking home and hole himself up in his room, hoping to all gods that his roommates were out that night – it was a Saturday night anyway. And knowing his roommates and housemates, most of them would be out to get wasted and decompress after a stressful week.

He thinks he just couldn’t pretend that everything’s okay that night, and he might crumble if anyone congratulates him one more time.

“Didn’t know you’re still here, hyung.”

Johnny almost jumped at the voice that called out to him. He glanced up to see one of his teammates – and his roommate – Jung Jaehyun, hair still damped from his shower earlier and dimples showing on his cheeks.

Oh well, maybe he could hold it in until the rest of the evening.

“Hey, Jaehyun. I kind of dozed off under the shower.” Johnny forced a chuckle out of him, and he had to wince at how hollowed his chuckle sounded. “Forgot something?”

“Yeah.” There was a shuffle behind Johnny and he pretended to busy himself with gathering his things. “Wanna head out together? Heard Kun’s treating the kids out tonight at the town’s diner, and Yuta and the others planned on crashing it.”

“Maybe I’ll pass. Had a tough time earlier.”

“If scoring 35 points in a game means having a tough time, then it must mean that the rest of the team is slacking off.”

The joke was light, Johnny knew that, but it somehow drove him to the limit. He found himself clenching his fist and hissing under his breath.

“You okay hyung?”

“What do you think?”

It came out harsh and even Johnny was startled at how it sounded like. He dared to look at Jaehyun who was startled as well. Then he raised his hands up in defense, and sat leaned against the locker beside him.

“Sorry Johnny-hyung. I didn’t mean to offend you or anything.” Jaehyun said, his smile uncertain as if testing the waters. The sight only made Johnny guiltier than ever.

“Sorry. It’s just…” Just what? Johnny sighed and sat back on the bench. Even he didn’t know how to start. He found himself leaning forward, head caught on his palms as he felt a headache forming. It was too much.

A pat on his back felt warm and Johnny was thankful the guy didn’t ask. A stretch of silence enveloped the two of them, with Jaehyun’s comforting hand never leaving Johnny’s back. A chuckle came out of Johnny and he found himself shaking his head, finding it ironic how he finds his predicament funny.

“Have you ever felt like you’re being pressured to do better than the best you can achieve? To be the person you’re not just to please everyone around?”

There was only silence and Johnny took it as a sign to continue.

“It’s just…it feels like the only thing I’m living for now becomes the nightmare I’m evading, you know? Playing basketball always made me feel so good, it was my escape from my low grades, from my father’s constant disapproval, from everything. But now, now the sport seemed to judge me too. And I’m just…tired.”

“From basketball?”

“From everything.”

Johnny looked up and was thankful that Jaehyun remained passive through it. At least he didn’t offer a sympathetic look or even the pitying look, because of all the things that Johnny couldn’t handle that night, being pitied upon in high on his list.

A soft squeeze on his shoulder shook Johnny momentarily from his thoughts and he saw Jaehyun smiling slightly, his dimple peaking from his cheek.

“I really don’t know how you feel, hyung. But all I can say is that you’re a human who’s bound to feel emotions. If you’re feeling tired, you’re entitled to rest, to stop. If you feel like you can’t take it anymore, I’m pretty sure you have seventeen housemates willing to listen or keep you company amongst your many other friends. Hansol-hyung’s just one call away too. Mistakes come and go and at the end of the day, Johnny-hyung, the only person you must satisfy is yourself. You’re the player in your own life, hyung. Their opinions don’t matter, not when playing basketball makes you happy. And if it doesn’t make you happy anymore, then stop. It’s your call. Life’s a big game. You might not be able to control the fouls, but only you can control the free throws, the shoots, the rebounds, the fast breaks, the timeouts and overtimes in your life.”

And suddenly, it makes sense. Jaehyun’s right, he doesn’t need to do everyone’s bidding, he can continue at his own pace without listening to all those opinions. The heavy weight on the pits of his stomach gradually lifted until a small smile – a genuine one – rested on his lips.

“Are you sure you’re not saying this for me to quit and pass you the captainship?”

Jaehyun blinked once, twice before a chuckle erupted from him, and Johnny can’t help but join along too. It was contagious.

“Was I that obvious?” Jaehyun smirked before nudging Jaehyun playfully. “But hey, I mean it. What are roommates for? Now, I think most of the guys will be out tonight, which means that the consoles are free. What do you say we spend the night playing NBA 2K18 while drinking beers and eating chips?”

He didn’t have to be told twice, and Johnny soon found himself standing, duffle bag already on his shoulder as he smirked at Jaehyun. The doubts and worries are gone for the meantime, or maybe for the rest of the term. Who knows? It’s his own call, anyway.

“Loser gets to do locker duties till the end of the month?” Johnny chuckled as he watched Jaehyun stand with a determined look.

“You’re on.”

* * *

If something or someone you love doesn’t make you happy anymore, then let it go.

It’s a favorite motto of Jaehyun. It’s the to-go to phrase whenever he gives out free advices to his friends. And he can’t say that he regrets following this motto more than he should have been.

His cheek was still stinging as he walked towards his friend who wore a mix of indifference and amusement. The smirk on his face grew wider as he sat down, his cheek already numbing after the initial impact. Man, that girl sure know how to deliver a decent slap.

“That was like the eighteenth one, Jaehyun, and we’re not even halfway through the semester.”

“Was it, Doyoung-hyung? Didn’t know you’re still keeping count.” Jaehyun chuckled as he rubbed his now red cheek. There was an amused smile on Doyoung’s lips as he pretended to immerse himself on the book in his hands.

“Let me guess, she’s not making the cut anymore?”

Jaehyun sent a shrug at Doyoung, a smirk as he leaned back on the bench they were sitting at. Did she even made the cut and made Jaehyun happy? Jaehyun couldn’t even remember her name and they only shared two dates that week, along with a few hookups. Yes, there’s the satisfaction of fucking the brains out of someone and satiating your lust, but it surely wasn’t enough for Jaehyun to keep her.

After all, happiness isn’t based on a few dates that always end up with both their tongues shoved down each other’s throat – at least not on Jaehyun’s definition of happiness.

So, he had to get rid of her. If not for his life motto, then for the sake of his sanity at least.

“She was screeching like a banshee. Still can’t comprehend how you lasted two whole weeks with her.”

“Mind blowing sex?”

“More like eardrum shattering sex.”

Doyoung chuckled at his own pun, and Jaehyun can’t help but follow through as well. Something about the high-pitched giggle and how Doyoung looked younger when he chuckles got Jaehyun hooked up in his contagious laughter.

“I heard her, you know.” Doyoung suddenly said, hands finally closing the book and eyes turning towards Jaehyun. Something warm started spreading through Jaehyun that he didn’t bothered to push away. “Didn’t know I am still the object of your hookups’ jealousy.”

“She didn’t even have any right to be jealous of anybody. I thought I made myself clear when I told her that we’re doing casual dates.” It was good that Jaehyun’s voice didn’t quiver. He watched how Doyoung’s eyebrow rose in amusement. “And besides, she’s making me choose between you and her.”

“And the slap was a clear indication of who you chose.”

“Did I choose the wrong one?”

“Can’t say I disagree. You chose the best option there is.”

“Of course, I only settle for the best, don’t I?” Warmth coursed through Jaehyun’s veins, his heart beating fast and smirk widening as he saw the faintest blush gracing Doyoung’s cheeks. One would think that the two of them are flirting – or maybe they really are; they still are. After all, they dated each other for two whole years before mutually calling it quits barely six months ago. Because according to them, they make each other happy effectively as friends than lovers.

And friends, they remained. Yet, in everyone’s eyes, it seemed like they never broke up. They’re still inseparable and spend almost every waking hour together. Them being housemates was another factor. Speaking of which, Jaehyun was positive there was a bet amongst the rest of their housemates on when he and Doyoung would get back together.

But it wasn’t that simple.

Jaehyun have read somewhere that exes that remained friends after their breakup can only mean two things: first is that they never really loved each other or they’re still in love with each other. And it didn’t take a genius to know that Jaehyun’s situation falls under the second reason.

After all, how could he let go of someone he loved when he’s still happy with him? When he’s the only one that could make Jaehyun genuinely happy?

The problem, though, lies with Doyoung.

Doyoung might be a constant presence in Jaehyun’s life since they were elementary kids, but the latter admits that it’s hard to decipher what’s running on Doyoung’s mind most of the time. It was like a game of push and pull, Doyoung pulling him closer only to push him farther when Jaehyun can grasp him. Mixed signals were thrown and just when Jaehyun thought he could decipher them, Doyoung would send some more and confuse him once more.

It was a big challenge in exchange for genuine happiness.

So, to relieve his stress Jaehyun decided to sleep around under the guise of moving on.

“But don’t you think it’s enough?” Doyoung’s voice broke Jaehyun’s train of thoughts. He found himself blinking in confusion as he looked at Doyoung’s serious face. If he looked a little bit closer, Jaehyun would see the slight concern on Doyoung’s bunny-like features.

“Wh-what?”

“Eighteen people in less than two months. Either you’d pick up some sexually transmitted disease or knock someone up before you,” Doyoung raised his fingers and did an air quote with a teasing grin. “ _Move on_ from me. Breaking hearts every other two weeks doesn’t mend one, Jaehyun.”  

A protest was already at the tip of Jaehyun’s tongue – that no, he practices safe sex, and that sleeping around is an effective way to move on from Doyoung. And that the feeling of broken hearts by his feet felt extraordinarily satisfying enough to make his broken heart mend little by little.

Only, he found himself swallowing down these protests, these _lies_ , because he never meant to move on from Doyoung and that his heart isn’t really broken. Who was he kidding anyway? And besides, he’ll lose the argument with either protests.

Also, the triumphant look on Doyoung’s face somehow made Jaehyun warm again. He’d gladly lose any argument with him just so he could see Doyoung triumphant. He’s so totally whipped.

“Well…what do you suggest then?”

There was a mysterious smile from Doyoung as he sent a not so casual shrug. And then he was standing, as she slung his bag on his wide shoulders. Jaehyun almost let out a dejected sigh. It seems like he’s going to play another round of thinking (and overthinking) mixed signals that afternoon.

“I don’t know? I need coffee after seeing another dramatic breakup of yours. And I think Ten’s on duty at the café right now. We could ask him for some ice for that cheek of yours.”

“Are you asking me out on a date?” Jaehyun couldn’t be more thankful that he masked his jitters behind a playful tone. He received yet another shrug, but the way Doyoung bit his lip to stop himself from smiling was a dead giveaway.

“You wish.”

“Whatever makes you sleep at night. I guess I could spare you some time, my last class won’t start in another hour or so.” Jaehyun chuckled and stood as well. Soon enough, they were walking towards the university café, and admittedly Jaehyun couldn’t stop himself from grinning. They were walking side by side and their hands were grazing ever so lightly with every step. It was hard to resist grabbing his hand and clasping it with his.

The silence between them was comfortable, and it was only when they were near the establishment that it was broken.

“By the way, I was meaning to ask if you’re aware of the bet they’re placing on us.”

Jaehyun hummed, finding himself rushing towards the entrance and playfully opening it for Doyoung. He received an eye roll and an amused grin, as well as curious looks from the occupants of the café.

“Yeah, but I think there’s only a handful of them remaining. I heard Jeno’s on the verge of losing, with only a few days left on his bet.”

“Well, wouldn’t you want Jeno to win the bet? He’s a good kid, anyway.”

“Wh-what?” The words slowly sunk in Jaehyun’s mind and he found himself rooted on the spot, eyes staring at Doyoung who approached the counter.

Did Doyoung just implied something with his comment?

A small smirk soon appeared on Jaehyun’s lips as he followed Doyoung. Maybe eighteen hookups were enough indeed.

* * *

Failure was a concept that Doyoung haven’t experienced, and it’s not like he wants to experience it.

All his life, he had been striving to be on the top, and all the hard work had paid off somehow – in exchange of having almost a nonexistent circle of friends and numerous enemies. But it didn’t matter to Doyoung so long as he keeps his spot on the top.

But he should have known that once you’re on top, there’s no way but to go down.

Of all the things that Doyoung would have expected from the letter from the university he had applied for, the words _Not Accepted_ in big, bold letters was not included in them.

“Fuck no.”

He shakily re-read the letter, willing himself that maybe he had just read the words wrong. It was on the eighteenth time that he finally gave up, realizing that no matter how much he wanted the words to change, the sense of failure loomed over him and pushed him off the mighty spot that he refused to let go.

The intelligent Kim Doyoung finally fell off his high horse, and it wasn’t even graceful at the least.

Doyoung was also pretty sure that news of his failure would reach the ears of his classmates who hated his guts so much. Oh, he’s so screwed. And besides, there’s barely three months left, where the hell would he find a good university to enroll to now?

A frustrated scream came out of him before he crumpled the piece of paper and let his head fall on the table with a thud. Though the bell signaling dismissal rang barely ten minutes ago, the school seemed deserted what with the basketball finals happening on the school’s gymnasium, but that’s the least of Doyoung’s worries. He wished a hole would appear and swallow him whole.

He didn’t know how long Doyoung stayed in that position, slumped against the farthest table on the farthest corner of the deserted library while willing his tears to not fall. Of all the times that he only ever needed Jaehyun with him why did it have to be that time when the latter was on a game? It was selfish, he knows, but Doyoung’s never been altruistic anyway.

Footsteps echoed from the other end of the hallway. Great, the game was probably finished and Doyoung’s isolated spot will soon be invaded. He quickly sniffed while furiously wiping his eyes yet he refused to raise his head from the table. Doyoung was ready to snap at whoever it was when the chair across him screeched and he could only deduce that it was Jaehyun.

“I’m not in the mood for your arrogance, Jae.” There was a stretch of silence that Doyoung wasn’t accustomed to – especially not when he was with Jaehyun. “I can clearly envision your smug smirk even when I’m not looking, you asshole. And I’m not interested on how you outpointed your captain by mere shots nor how you brought the team to victory.”

A groan escaped Doyoung when he still received nothing but quietness, a snarky reply already at the tip of his tongue as he raised his head from the table only to let out an embarrassed squeak when he saw that it wasn’t Jaehyun who’s in front of him.

Blood rushed to his cheeks as he realized that it was Qian Kun who took a seat in front of him – the same Qian Kun who captivated everyone with his angelic voice and even more angelic smile and dimples. The same Qian Kun who’s fingers can conjure any heavenly music there is with deft movements against piano keys. The same Qian Kun who Doyoung thinks is quite cute (and that maybe he has a miniscule crush on). There was an amused smirk grazing Kun’s handsome features, his adorable dimple making its appearance, and it only made Doyoung blush some more.

“I’ve never been called an asshole before.” There was mirth lacing Kun’s voice as he placed his chin on top of his palm as his eyes crinkled into small crescents. The urge to wish for a hole to swallow Doyoung came stronger than earlier. “Hello, Doyoung.”

“Sorry…I just thought it was someone I know.”

“Jung Jaehyun perhaps? Using curse words as terms of endearment is quite a concept so unique.” Kun chuckled, and under the orange hues of the setting sun Doyoung thought that the image of Kun smiling was a sight to behold (and one that he embedded in his mind). Oh fuck, he’s so whipped that he didn’t mind that Kun thought he and Jaehyun were dating. Oh, the horror if it were really to happen. “Well, not that we’re close or whatever, but I think your endearment suits him. You won’t tell on me, yeah?”

Doyoung would have agreed with him, if not for his mind suddenly malfunctioning when Kun decided to playfully wink at him. An incoherent – and probably unattractive – gurgle was all Doyoung could manage to do. Gods, could this day get even worse?

“Cute.” The guy leaned closer, his dimple becoming more prominent as his grin grew wider. Oh my god, is Kun flirting with him? Doyoung didn’t took the risk this time though. Instead, he decided to shut his mouth in worry that he might do (or blurt) stupid things once more, after all his maddeningly red cheeks was an enough indication of what he thinks at that moment.

(Though he badly wanted to tell Kun that it wasn’t him who looks cute at that moment.)

“So, what brings the great Kim Doyoung on the most isolated part of the library when there’s a big game happening right now? With your boyfriend playing?”

“He’s...we’re not dating.”

“Well, that’s not what I heard.” Kun cocked an eyebrow at Doyoung and the latter almost let out an exasperated sigh. He may or may not have heard the rumors circulating around the campus about him and the golden boy of the basketball team, but he’s so high up to even mind them.

“Didn’t pegged you to be the gossip kind, Kun.”

Kun chuckled once more. Doyoung, being the uptight student that he was, would have sent a scathing glare at Kun making too much noise inside the library, regardless of whether he was cute or not. But the sight was just too…ethereal that whatever irritation he had almost vanquished. Almost.  

“You haven’t answered my question yet.”

The heavy weight of his failure crashed upon Doyoung once more, his eyes barely shifting towards the crumpled paper in front of him and almost groaning. Of course, no matter how much he crumpled the paper, the words _Not Accepted_ still managed to be visible. It was like fate was rubbing it in his face.

And fate wasn’t done yet, apparently, because Kun somehow followed his gaze and landed on the crumpled paper. The ghost of his smile was gone in an instant and it made Doyoung wince.

“Oh, Sommerfield University.” Kun muttered as his eyes lingered on the paper before looking back at Doyoung. “Of course, you’d choose that university. I heard only a handful of students dared to take the entrance examination.”

“Y-yeah.”

_But obviously they didn’t choose me._

“Majoring in sciences, yeah?”

“No.” Doyoung finally let out a sigh as he gently pushed the crumpled paper towards Kun. There was hesitation before Kun took the paper and uncrumpled it. “It might sound crazy, but I’m taking up major for vocal performance.”

Somewhere along juggling his studies and the pressure of always being on top, Doyoung found solace in singing. Yet he couldn’t let anyone know, not even Jaehyun, in fear of getting judged. And he had made the right decision up until his adviser started college counseling. His adviser, teachers and parents persuaded him to take another course, something that would put his near perfect scores in Math and Science and English to good use. But his decision was already final.

It was like how Doyoung had expected it. Everyone had a shocked (and sometimes scandalized) expression whenever he would tell what major would he like to take in college. And seeing Kun’s surprised look somehow ticked Doyoung once more, he’s had enough.

Just because he was a genius doesn’t mean he would take the path of Sciences and Math.  

“Look–”

“I can’t believe it. I’m taking that major too!”

Whatever scathing words Doyoung have were quickly swallowed into a lump. This, he didn’t expect. His eyes blinked once, twice, thrice, before he met Kun’s bright eyes as he rambled and raved about their common major. But it didn’t calm him a bit, anger bubbled inside Doyoung. Haven’t Kun saw that he failed the entrance examination?

“But can’t you see that I failed?” Doyoung hadn’t meant to be rude, but everything just piled up inside him. He almost winced when Kun’s excitement withered, and he could only bite his lip and avoid his gaze. Great. Just when he thought he found someone that could understand his degree choice, all he managed to do was push him away. “I’m sorry…it’s just…I’m not used to this. Failing and getting rejected, I mean.”

“Of course, you aren’t.”

Doyoung was sure that any moment now, Kun would leave him. Everyone who tried to be friends with him gave up anyway (except Jaehyun, of course).

“But maybe you’re meant to fail.” Okay, now Kun’s done for. He’s rubbed it in Doyoung’s face more than Doyoung can tolerate. That was until he continued. “Sommerfield might be one of the top universities around, but their curriculum on Music majors isn’t satisfactory.”

“And how would you know?”

“I would know, after all, I’ve been singing my entire life. What kind of singer would I be if I don’t know which schools offer the best curriculum for Vocal Majors?”

“So what university offers this excellent curriculum if you really know?”

“There are a handful, but you wouldn’t believe which school has the best curriculum. You’re even closer to it than you may think.”

“No way. Greengrass University? The town’s own university?”

And then the blinding smile was back again along with another wink, and it alleviate the heavy weight of failure inside Doyoung gradually.

“I heard they’re still accepting applicants. In fact, I managed to grab a slot for their entrance examination just yesterday.” The sense of assurance flooded inside Doyoung as he looked at Kun’s infectious smile. Before he knew it, Doyoung felt the corners of lips curl up.

“How do I know that you’re telling the truth and you’re just not, I don’t know, flirting with me?”

“Please, as if I have a chance against Jung Jaehyun. Though it wouldn’t hurt to try?”

Against his will, Doyoung found himself chuckling. He couldn’t even find it in himself to deny that Jaehyun and him aren’t really dating. Really. Because all he thought was that maybe Kun’s right. He was meant to fail because the school he applied for isn’t the best, and Kim Doyoung only settles for the best.

* * *

“That’s totally an asshole move, Kun. I wouldn’t expect something that low from you.”

“Ah, you really have a penchant on using curse words as terms of endearment, don’t you?”

“Oh my god, that was years ago. I was young and naïve to even consider having a crush on you. I shouldn’t have told you and Jaehyun about it, now you’re using it against me whenever opportunity arises.”

“Too bad, yeah?”

Kun chuckled as he looked at Doyoung’s scowl while the latter lied on a nearby bed (Jungwoo’s bed, judging from the neatly made up bed, even the edges of the blanket seemed to be accurately measured before folded). Classes were suspended since the snowstorm that started the previous night intensified. Now all eighteen occupants of the lodging were cooped up with nothing to do. Kun and Doyoung opted to stay at the former’s room and away from the others who were lounging by the living room.

“But seriously, you asking Winwin to be your pretend boyfriend to ward off some psycho admirer of yours is already an asshole move. Then you still playing pretend with Winwin even when said psycho admirer isn’t around is an even more asshole move.”

“I know that.”

Kun sighed as he leaned back on his bed. He hadn’t meant for it to blow into a bigger proportion, just an impulsive move because Winwin was with him when his patience finally snapped. And when his patience finally snaps, Kun tends to do things that aren’t well thought of – the very reason why he tries not to lose patience. But that psycho admirer (Doyoung’s words, not his) really was something.

And besides, Winwin agreed to it. It was of mutual consent.     

“But you know what’s an even bigger asshole move?” Doyoung sat up, smirk suddenly appearing that Kun groaned and threw a nearby pillow at Doyoung (it landed a few feet away from Doyoung, of course). “Giving not so friendly kisses to Winwin when it’s just the two of you. Might as well announce to everyone that everything isn’t pretend anymore.”

“I can’t help it, you know.” Another sigh escaped Kun, falling back to the bed and staring at the ceiling. There was a scoff from Doyoung before he called out.

“Can’t help being an asshole? You should stop hanging out with Jaehyun then.”

“Or maybe I should stop hanging out with you.” Kun chuckled and ignored Doyoung who flipped the bird at him. “Look, it’s not like it’s hard not to play pretend with Winwin, you know. It’s just…natural”

It was true. Once Kun intertwines his fingers, all pretenses drop and the actions he does were all sincere. Kun was treading on dangerous waters because the line’s starting to blur somewhere in between pretending and being serious. This was all just an arrangement to ward off that admirer who hadn’t showed up to Kun for at least two weeks now. Shouldn’t they be stopping all pretenses now?

Yet, Kun’s sure almost everyone – especially Yuta, Taeil and Taeyong – can attest with him that here’s just something about Winwin that makes anyone drop everything and fuss over him (and offer the whole world to him, maybe). In all honesty, it’s not that hard to like Winwin. As in like _like_. And this is the part where Kun knew he’s at the point of no return, he’s so screwed and it’s all because he lacked self-control.

“Oh, this is so interesting. It’s like I’m watching one of those clichéd dramas that Ten enjoys. So, what are you going to do now?”

Kun grunted and try as hard as he might, he can’t shake off the smugness emanating from Doyoung. Arrogant prick. Just because he’s a self-proclaimed genius doesn’t mean everyone comes running to him for advice. But not Kun. Nope. Definitely not. He was the one who started this faux dating anyway, he should finish it.

But does he really want to end whatever this thing he has with Winwin?

Okay, maybe he can ask Doyoung for advice just this once.

The smug smirk that he received from Doyoung made Kun regret his decision.

“I hate you sometimes.”

“Please. You totally basked under the knowledge of me having a crush on you. You even openly flirted with me more times than I could tolerate.”

“That was such an asshole move. And you flirted back just as much.”

“Don’t use my own words against me. After all, I might have the solution to your dilemma.” Oh, how badly does Kun want to wipe that smug smirk off Doyoung’s bunny like face. But since he needs to badly sort this mess that he made, Kun opted to bite his tongue (and his smartass retort) back. He cocked and eyebrow at Doyoung and the latter rolled his eyes at him, as if his problem had the easiest and most obvious solution.

Or maybe it has, Kun just chose not to take the easy path.

“It’s really simple, you know.” Doyoung started, and somehow Kun dreaded whatever Doyoung will say next. “It’s obvious that you don’t want to stop this arrangement with Winwin. What better way than conf–”

“Oh hell no. Fuck no, Doyoung. Confessing will only make things complicated.”

“It’s already complicated when you started to include feelings while pretending, Kun. It’s either you confess and make everything official or wait until Winwin calls everything off.”

“If I confess, wouldn’t that make Winwin call everything off? It’s like I’m taking advantage of the situation we’re in.”

“I can’t believe I’m friends with someone as stupid as you.”

Kun let out a frustrated groan. He wasn’t as stupid as Doyoung makes him out to be because he clearly knows what the other was implying. It may sound so easy, Kun telling Winwin that maybe he wants to more than just pretend. That maybe he wants everything to be serious. But he just can’t, not when the thought of rejection looms over him.

“It’s not that easy.”

“It is. Just say that you wanna date him for real.” Doyoung huffed and kicked Kun by his shin. “If I were you, I’d rather do it now before somebody else snatches Winwin. There are lots of guys waiting, some of them even closer than you may think.”

“Just like how there are lots of people waiting to open their legs to Jaehyun?”

Doyoung shrugged nonchalantly but Kun knew better. His best (?) friend might look unbothered by how Jaehyun sleeps around when it’s just barely a month when they called it quits. Maybe he could say the same to Doyoung. He should just man up, swallow his pride and crawl back to Jaehyun, not just because he thinks it’s the best for Doyoung but because he misses their trio.

“Don’t try to change the subject, Kun. Just think about it, the weather is perfect for snuggle night with Winwin, isn’t it?”

“Why don’t you practice what you preach then? I hate to say this but I miss third-wheeling with the two of you.” Kun forced himself to stand from the warm confines of his bed just as the door opened. And speaking of the devil, Jaehyun suddenly entered the room and absently – as if moving by routine – towards Doyoung and plopping heavily on top of the latter. Kun can’t help but raise an eyebrow at Doyoung who’s half-heartedly struggling out of Jaehyun’s grip. He could only chuckle when Doyoung flashed him his middle finger.

“Kun-hyung, I suggest you go down the kitchen, since Taeyong-hyung’s nearing breakdown. It’s almost lunch time and guess what, there’s at least fifteen hungry people too lazy to cook for themselves.” Jaehyun muttered as he buried his face deeper on Doyoung’s neck and Kun can’t help but smirk at Doyoung teasingly. Yet, somewhere inside him, he couldn’t help but be envious of them just a tiny bit.

_This could happen between you and Winwin too._

“Then why are you here?”

“I’m one of the fifteen or so people too lazy to move.”

After landing a kick against Doyoung’s dangling legs (as well as Jaehyun’s), Kun sighed and started walking towards the door. Maybe helping Taeyong cook a feast could distract him from thinking about his complicated situation with Winwin.

* * *

“Don’t get me wrong, Sicheng, you know how much I love you and your cute self,” Taeil called out from his desk as Winwin rolled his eyes and whined from his bed. And as usual, his childish antics were ignored. Winwin hates it when someone (especially if that someone is Taeil) uses his real name and proclaims their love for him _at the same time_. It only meant that he’s in for a long talk. “But I think you’re the stupidest person I’ve ever met. Just a little bit ahead of Kun, to be honest.”

Another childish whine came out of Winwin before he buried his face on his pillow. It had been two weeks and four days (not that he’s counting) since he found himself in a predicament made up of lies and deceit. It had been out of impulse, really, going with the flow as Kun pulled him into a one-arm hug while proclaiming to everyone in the vicinity (including the girl stalking Kun) that he’s dating Winwin.

Frankly, it’s okay. Really. Because Kun is his close friend and he’s down with pretending to date Kun to get that crazy girl to back off. Except, Winwin can’t distinguish which is real and which is not as days go by. Intertwined fingers, arm around his shoulders, fleeting touches and sweet smiles – it was all necessary to project the image they want to portray. Only, the acts continue even when it’s just the two of them. It continues even after the prying eyes of everyone have left them.

And then when it’s just the two of them, fingers still intertwined as they walked towards the bus stop, as they sat side by side on the tattered leather seat of the bus, as they walk inside their messy and loud lodging and finally as Kun walks him to his room, Winwin’s heart would do somersaults for some unknown reasons.

But the icing on the cake was when Kun kissed Winwin’s cheek last night.

So Winwin decided that he should confide with one of his so-called wise roommates. And as always, Taeil would outright tell him the truth without sugarcoating it. Winwin doesn’t know if he should regret confiding to Taeil or not.

“It’s no use denying it, Sicheng. We both know you’re way passed the pretending stage. You’ve fallen hard for Kun and it’s too late to back out now. Ah, I don’t know who’s stupider between the two of you now.” Taeil said while he bent over his desk and rereading his medical notes for the nth time that night.

“Then what am I supposed to do, hyung?”

“Well, you can either admit your too real feelings to him,” Winwin whined and Taeil sighed tiredly. He finally turned towards Winwin with a tired expression before leaning back on his chair. “Or you call this pretend dating off.”

Both choices seemed undesirable for Winwin. And even if his nickname suggests it, he seemed to be on the losing end in this situation he’s in.

“You’re making my hair go grey in frustration, to be honest.”

“Nah, it’s just you stressing over your major.” Winwin muttered before sitting up. He ignored the pointed look he received from the older before sighing loudly. “I can’t do that. It’s going to ruin everything!”

“You ruined everything since you took all his pretend gestures seriously.” There’s a passive look on Taeil’s face, but Winwin knows that the older’s just looking after him. “It’s still you’re call, but if you think Kun’s just all pretend and that your feelings won’t get anywhere, then I suggest you stop.”

A frustrated sigh came out of Winwin as he fell back on his bed. He hated how it was snowing too hard today, how he can’t evade Kun’s presence the whole day because classes were cancelled. It’s not like he can lock himself up the whole day inside his room. Hell, Kun’s room was just two doors away from his.

“Would have been great, though, to cuddle with him while slurping whatever hot soup Taeyong will cook sooner or later.”

“Oh, shut up.” Winwin pouted as Taeil chuckled at him before poring over his notes once more. This guy’s just as difficult as Kun to decipher. Maybe it comes with age, after all, Taeil’s spent roughly six years studying for his medical degree. What even would happen to him without Moon Taeil. As much as he hated to admit it, Winwin won’t exchange the guys for anything – but he won’t tell it to anyone especially to Taeil.

A knock resounded inside the unusually quiet room and Winwin received a shrug from Taeil.

“Lunch, maybe?” Taeil muttered before he bent over his desk. “Tell Taeyong I’ll be down in a few.”

Winwin found himself rolling his eyes as he forced himself up from his disheveled bed. He opened the door only to find Yuta bashfully standing by the door. Weird. It wasn’t every day that you see Nakamoto Yuta being bashful.

“Hey, Yuta-hyung. Lunch, I presume?”

“Actually…no.”

Okay…this is just weird. Winwin turned towards Taeil who had an eyebrow arched in amusement before he waved his hand dismissively as if telling him that he _doesn’t want to involve himself into more drama_. He sent a half-hearted glare before he stepped out of the room and closed the door behind him.

“What’s up, hyung.”

“Erm… You and Kun,” Yuta started and Winwin sensed that this wasn’t going to end in a good way for either of them. “I meant, it’s all just pretend, right?”

Winwin’s heart seemed to have clenched at Yuta’s words. Truth really is a bitch sometimes. He wanted to tell Yuta that yeah, it’s all just pretend but he badly wished it won’t be. But he wasn’t that brave enough – after all, he can’t even tell those words to Kun himself. So instead, Winwin chose to just shrug nonchalantly.

“As far as I could remember, yeah. It’s all just pretend.”

At any given time of the day, Yuta’s bright smile was refreshing, healing even. Yet, something akin to guilt settled deep inside Sicheng’s stomach.

“That’s good to hear. Do you think…maybe…we could grab some dinner or something this week?”

Oh, great. How was he supposed to reject bright and friendly Nakamoto Yuta without feeling any guilt? Winwin took a deep breath and was about to utter something along the lines of _not interested_ when his eyes caught someone else’s a few doors down the hallway.

And if it isn’t his _pretend_ boyfriend, Qian Kun.

A trace of a relieved smile was already halfway through forming Winwin’s lips since he was sure Kun would break whatever awkward situation he was in. Only, the latter didn’t. There was an unreadable expression on Kun’s face before he turned back and walked towards the stairs, as if he didn’t saw Winwin’s silent plea of help. And it’s funny how Taeil’s voice seemed to echo in his mind.

_It’s still you’re call, but if you think Kun’s just all pretend and that your feelings won’t get anywhere, then I suggest you stop._

“Winwin…?”

“Oh. Um. Sure.” Winwin muttered absentmindedly as his eyes never left the spot where Kun was standing just a moment ago. He hadn’t even comprehended the details of his so-called dinner with Yuta because all he could think about was Kun’s back as he walked away from him.

* * *

 


End file.
